That Conference in Changsha, China (Part I)

Two weeks ago, Tobi and I were in Changsha, China attending a conference at the Frontiers of Algorithmics Workshop (FAW) 2008. While I thought we delivered a rather exquisite 20-minute presentation of our work on "Versioning Tree Structures by Path-Merging", we both found that there were several, ah, "speakers" among the conference delegates, who, in our opinion, strived very hard to give seriously bad and ineffective talks! Although, strangely, I must confess, that they did write excellent and well-organised articles in their contributions to the conference proceedings -- such constrasting malediction!

And so, as would anyone who are forced to listen to a series of uncomprehensive repertoires of monotonic regurgitations of Lemmas and Theorems in between bland syntaxes and numerical tables, Tobi and I made a list of what we thought were going on in the minds of these highly esteemed people whose only mission seem to drive everyone sitting in the audience to lose interest / sleep / be dilatory / stare blankly at walls / unnecessarily draining litres of bottled water (to keep awake) / (and thus) making excuses to visit the toilets / etc... etc...

The cogent title we gave, in our quest to be superb raconteurs of accounting the details of the three-day conference proceedings, was:

"How To Give a BAD Talk"

Read on, and be amused...

[Day 1: 19 June 2008]

• Present 6 huge and extremely complicated Lemmas followed by a Theorem explaining the universe in the span of 20 minutes.


• Show 100 lines of source codes in a separate editor with font size 10.


• Prepare enough slides to give a 4-hour long talk and present them all in 20 minutes.


• Don't bother to explain any of the abbreviations / acronyms / unit measurements / etc. that are on the slides -- but keep mentioning them in the talk all the time since everyone else are assumed to have already know what they mean.


• Present, on each slide, at least 6 very complicated mathematical formulae, using more than 2 super-/sub-scripted indices without explaining the significance of the variables.


[Day 2: 20 June 2008]

• Place 5 Definitions and 3 Lemmas on 2 slides, about 25 lines each copied from LaTeX.


• Show 20 lines of fully commented pseudo-"pseudo-codes" on 1 slide.


• Present experimental results by showing endless columns of numbers without properly explaining their relevance / consequence / importance / purpose.


• Don't ever use graphs to represent these endless columns of numbers!


• Don't ever use figures to illustrate graph-theoretical principles. Instead, draw them impressively in the air with your fingers, some distance above the podium, while talking.


• Periodically ask for the audience's approval, after the delivery of every thought / idea, by saying, "OK?".


• If your time is over, defy the session chair's suggestion to end the talk and continue to keep reminding the audience that there is still a lot more contents to come.


• Create slides that dont't match the screen dimensions; for example, use A4-portrait.


• Include example figures in the slides. Then ensure that the audience sees them -- or rather, make sure they only manage a quick glance at them; then quickly move on to other another slide. The figures only serve to distract.


• Skip the motivation for solving the problem, simply assume that the audience already knows.


[Day 3: 21 June 2008]

• Don't bother to do a final review of the contents in the slides to spot for typos or something similar. The slides are always already perfect the first time round.


• Copy everything from LaTeX to PowerPoint, and don't follow up to ensure the correctness of contents. For example, in LaTeX: "$c n\log n$" -- simply copy and remove the "$" after placing in PowerPoint.


• Add references such as [1],[2],... without ever letting the audience know the concrete sources. Until, of course, we reach the end of the talk. These references are only meant for our own conveniences, and no one else's.


• Use tiny font sizes in all the example figures in the slides. This prevents the audience from spotting your mistakes, which, of course, are non-existent.


• Bring the audience's attention to your figures on the slides only by their label names, and don't bother to explain the significance of those figures. For example, say something like, "Here are our results. Look at Figures (a) and (b)." Then pause for 2 seconds, and quickly turn to the next slide and conclude the talk. Then watch the stunned reactions of the audience.

Facebook? Really now...

Hmm... on a much lighter note, I finally decided to get myself a Facebook account -- after much incessant proddings from everyone I know... who ALL seem to be on Facebook (here is Wikipedia's entry on Facebook, which I thought was an interesting read). Didn't really care and know what all the fuss are about, until a few hours ago :) Indeed, Facebook is just amazing -- I am finding out about old chums again, and what's more, they seem to remember me; Supreme Kai!

That, and this phdcomic, which seems to back my decision on the other front...


Those bloody guys from Harvard are no doubt enjoying themselves seeing people glued to their product. And with the silly gadgets/plugin-applications incorporated into Facebook, it's just designed to keep people on it for hours on end! *sigh*

Anyway, it seems that the German community has its own Facebook equivalent, its clone, as Chris has brought to my attention. It is known as the studiVZ, and already Chris, Karen, and Leo are on them. There are other clones too; studiQG.fr, studiLN.it, estudiLN.es, studentIX.pl, and iwiw.hu.

One bad thing though, Facebook and StudiVZ are completely two different entities and are not inter-linkable *grr* I don't want to have another separate account... don't make me sign-up for another one... help...

An Ode: I just want you to know who I am

Several turn of events over the past decade decided to unleashed themselves upon me these past few months, and it culminated with a rather ominous and inapportune phone call from mom Sunday night. It now seems inevitable that I will lose my grasp on someone who I hold so dear, who seems determined to close all doors and burn all bridges. Clash of stubborness? Unworthiness? But why the deceit? I am so reminded of these lyrics...

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
[...]
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
[...]

'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls

Streik bei der Bahn... am Mega-Samstag

Endlich habe ich kurz Zeit um diesen Blogeintrag zu schreiben. Na ja, am Samstag nachmittag, nach unserem Badmintonspiel, musste ich in die Stadt zu meinem Termin mit Olaf (er kommt jedes Wochenende von München nach Freiburg für ernsthaft der Diskussion über seiner Arbeit). Nach einem kurzen Telefonat war dann auch Olaf, auf den ich noch fünf Minuten warten musste, an der Straßenbahnhaltestelle (am Stadttheater). Dort habe ich die Streik mierlebt. Die Leute waren das Gleis vom Hauptbahnhof zur Mitte der Stadt entlanggegangen. Und ooohhh.... die waren sehr laut mit ihren Pfiffe! Sie befürchten im Zuge des Ausbaus „eine unerträgliche, dauerhafte Belästigung durch Lärm, Feinstaub und Erschütterung“. Wirklich?


Allerdings, an der Kaiser-Joseph-Straße fand ich eine andere Geschichte statt! Wir haben den Mega-Samstag gefeiert -- viel kaufen, viel essen, viel kaufen, viel trinken, viel kaufen, viel kaufen, viel kaufen, etc. Ich dachte, dass die Leute in Freiburg ihren Deutschen Nationalfeiertag nicht genug gefeiert haben... hmmm, aber das war am letzte Mittwoch. Deswegen hat der Oberbürgermeister Dieter Salomon diesen Mega-Samstag angesagt.

Mimpi yang sangat menghairankan

Sesuai dengan tajuk yang telah dinyatakan di atas, awal pagi ini barulah aku teringat apa yang meyebabkan mimpiku semalam itu sungguh hairan sekali. Nak kata menakutkan, tidak pula. Nak kata kelakar, pun sama sekali tidak. Hanya hairan, bak kata orang, Parameswara itu asal-usulnya dari keturunan Raden Wijaya Majapahit.

Seperti sebuah filem P. Ramlee yang berjudul "Tiga Abdul", di mana seorang kaya-raya bernama Ismet Ulam Raja yang bermastautin di sebuah negara dongeng Isketambola, yang menarik perhatian kita penonton dengan gelagat tiga orang anak-anaknya -- Abdul Wahab, Abdul Wahib, dan Abdul Wahub. Di permulaan cerita, telah pun si pencerita menerangkan rumah Ismet yang tersergam indah seperti berikut:

"Rumahnya cantik tinggi mengawan,
Terletak di atas Bukit Cendawan;
Siapa ternampak sangatlah hairan,
Mata terbeliak tersampuk syaitan."

Hmm... dan sama seperti mimpiku semalam, aku bermimpi yang aku ni tak boleh tidur hingga lewat pagi. Hairan kan? ;-P

Das kommt mir irgendwie komisch vor

Gestern war ich im Kaufland -- ich kaufe Lebensmittel jeder Samstagmorgen, natürlich, weil ich sonst ganz bestimmt überhaupt gar nichts essen am Wochenende kann. Immerhin brauchte ich ein paar doppel-A Batterien für meine Creative®-TravelSound™-200-lautsprechersystem, und normalerweise ging ich direkt zu den Elektronikabteilung. Da fand ich eine komische Überraschung:


Da steht EUR 2,99 für den üblichen Preis für ein Päckchen mit vier Batterien. OK... dachte ich. Dann, in der Nähe, war Kauflands "Special Offer" für die ähnlicher Marke. Es gibt sondern hat die Sache einen Harken; man muss ein Päckchen mit acht Batterien kaufen. Das war kein Problem für mich, aber die acht Batterien "Special Offer" kostet EUR 5,99. Sehr interessant, oder?

Trotzdem, was habe ich getan? Haha... was würde irgendjemand tun? Allerdings! Ich habe zwei übliche Päckchen gekauft und habe ich EUR 0,01 gespart :)

Ps: Mein weiteres FreeCell-Update:
Ich hatte heute zu viel Zeit und spielte ich deshalb 12 mehr FreeCell games. Das heißt, habe ich insgesamt 134 Spielen gewonnen, und ebenso 0 Spielen verloren. Heh heh heh...

Die unglaubliche siebenundneunzig

Drei mal in die letzte zwei Wochen habe ich die siebenundneunzig angetroffen. Vielleicht da geht es mehr, aber kann ich mich nicht erinnern. Warum hat die siebenundneunzig öffentlich auftreten? Dass habe ich früher gefragt, und nun, nie man hat die Antwort... noch nicht.

♠ Im Bowlingpark Westside Freiburg...
... haben wir (Tobi, Isabell, Fred, und ich) jeder man siebenundneunzig Punkten in unser dritte Spiel erreichen. Na ja, soviel ich weiß wir haben sehr schlecht gespielt, aber dass war nicht unsere besten Spielnacht.

♠ An der Freecell...
... habe ich insgesamt siebenundneunzig Spielen gewonnen (seit letzte Woche). Oh, und habe ich auch insgesamt null Spielen verloren. Cool huh? Ich denke das ist ein historischer Rekord! Hat jemand einen besseren Gewonnenpunkt als mich? Wenn ja, schickt mir ein Email sofort :P

♠ Die neue Laufzeit...
... mit meine neue Laufroute. Da steht um meine Uhr fast dreiundzwanzig Minuten. Eigentlich habe ich 22'53''siebenundneunzig Minuten zu der Zeit erzielen.

The One with Three Dudes in Kuala Lumpur

Hmm... I have now blogged too many entries in English, I know. So the next one after this shall be in a language other than the one Master Shakespeare used when he wrote the comedy "Much To Do About Nothing" :) And maybe, after reading this blog, you can decide for yourselves who among us three dudes most resemble the characters Benedick, Claudio, and Don Pedro. Right. Let's see now, my mate Tobi has already provided a very accurate chronology of events on his blog of what happened in KL. So I shall instead write this report from another point of view.


♠ "We can eat, eat, eat, till we nearly drop..." Dick Lee, 1998.

... and that was exactly what we did when us three boys rode our way into town!! Besides, to be a good host, I was to ensure that my guests don't starve, right? Haha... that was partially the reason why I chose that we stay at The Westin, Kuala Lumpur. Apart from the spacious suites with commanding views of the city's skylines at our feet, we also had access to the exorbitant buffet spread during breakfast at the Living Room. (It took three mornings worth of persuasions to get my guests to try the mini-steaks with beef-bacon and eggs-benedict (and hashbrowns with baked beans, of course) for their second servings, after going through the mundane ritual of muesli, milk, and marmalade-breads. *sigh* These boys don't eat very much for breakfast!).



And just for whetting our epitites in anticipation of dinner, there was a generous selection of fine wines and pre-dinner cocktails complimenting the hors d'oeuvres and appetizers served at the Executive Club Lounge, before we headed off into the city for dinner proper :P It was also up there on that 33rd floor, while sipping my drink and watching the sun set over the city, that I learnt Tobi is one reputable wine connoisseur! Unfortunately for me, I cannot consume any kinds of alcohol to verify any of Tobi's remarks. Marius on the other hand was nodding away to Tobi's words and adding one or two suggestions as to what was being discussed. So I can only presume that Tobi's knowledge of the vintages are ge-nu-wine *smile* Although I can't quite recall what he said about red wines, chocolate cakes, and his mother... Anyway, I felt sure my guests enjoyed themselves in the calm ambience of the Club Lounge, and this was later confirmed when I heard one of them tacitly ordering the head-waiter to chill the bottle of Chardonnay down to exactly 17.41°C before bringing it out again and serving it to him *big smile*


♠♠ "When you get right down to it, what we all need is a place to go... A place where we can escape the noise of our lives and just relax." Takayuki Ikkaku, 2005.

This meeting in KL was designed with the intention to do just that. To relax. To chill. To stretch out. To unwind. I definitely needed a break from routine stuffs at the office. Tobi was in his final week of his 3-month-long Asia tour. And Marius could use a breather before tackling the works in Bangkok. So we all deserved some time-out to do anything we please, or, really, to do nothing...



... which makes it rather fitting, since I couldn't persuade Marius to wake up early enough (say, around 06:30) so that we could do some workouts at the gym and have a dip in the pool afterwards just before heading for breakfast. But I think Tobi and he compromised by thrashing their bedsheets and pillows, and then jumping up and down on their Westin's Heavenly Beds®. Lol... fun? Yes. But I made sure they didn't do that in my bedroom... heh heh heh.


♠♠♠ "It's a lot like nature. You only have as many animals as the ecosystem can support and you only have as many friends as you can tolerate the bitching of." Randy K. Milholland, 2005.

One thing is for certain; my two guests were, I would say, eco-tourists. While happy to tolerate my city-dwelling behaviour, they perked up better when the three of us took some time to explore all 7 water-fall stations in the Templar Park Nature Reserve. And one other thing the three of us agreed was on bitching about our driver, Ben, who I would sum up as an ass hole. Long story. Poor me, I speak Malay and Chinese *sigh* Ben aside, we were fortunate enough to acquire a personal guide for our private hike up the steep hills who was not only akin to the natural surroundings, but was also hype enough to take us places where not many hikers went. And after a cool dip in the pool at level 4 on our way back down to the foot of the hills, we were happy (well, at least I was) to call it a day and return to the hotel for a well-deserved Westin Heavenly Shower® (which I just realised today, is available exclusively only in the Executive Residences, which will restore the mind and body -- it really does! The secret lies in the dual-showerheads and in the easily adjustable water-pressure...).



There. That's how much I can regurgitate about my holidays with my good mates in KL. I certainly felt a bit younger, though at times, it seems my younger guests can't seem to keep up with me, their elder host. But I digress :P On the other hand, I also discovered that both Tobi and Marius are avid readers, and that we share a common interest in the works by Ken Follett. And from my observation of the other novels that I see them reading (by the poolside, on the sofa in our private lounge, in the car, etc.), I think it's time I introduce them to the works of Jeffrey Archer and Clive Cussler.

Of Dragonboats and Durians

Several things happened while I was in Singapore, and here is an account of a few of those that I can remember. I should have taken more photos, but one just don't think about taking photos when one is in one's homeland, right? *smile*

Update: I just realised that Wolfgang has quite an impressive collection of photos on Singapore as part of his subjects. These include places/locations/sites that I myself has never seen. So, since I am blogging about SG, I thought I'd include a link to Wolfs' pictorial reviews of SG in his Panaroma-Pics and Fernweh.


August 9, 2007. That was when Singapore celebrated her 42nd year of independence. We locals simply call it our National Day, and then have fun rejoicing in the holidays. By rejoicing this year, I was asked to take part in the Punggol East Dragonboat race (Grassroots category)... well, actually, they needed one more person to fill up the last boat of 10 rowers (and a drummer, and a steerer) and persuaded me enough until I agreed :P To cut the long story short, our boat came in second place overall -- couldn't beat last year's champions (well, they had beautifully slim and charming secret weapons on board, ya know what I'm sayin' *grin*). No one bothered to take pictures of the runner-ups, and so I had to take a snapshot of the article in the local neighbourhood magazine just before leaving Singapore. We also decided later that night after dinner to rejoice by stuffing ourselves silly with Punggol's best durians (or, as Tobi and Marius called them Stinkfrucht).


The week before I left to return to Germany was simply a week of socializing. It seems that when I manage to escape Mom's foods/cakes/snacks, I land myself in places where more food are served. Although, from my voracious epitite, no one seemed to believe that I ran the Freiburg marathons *sigh* Anyway, here are four photos I remembered to take:


Oh, and here is one interesting fact with our family cat Gwenni (that's Gwen Steffani with four legs and a tail). She was extremely affectionate with me this time round, and always parked herself on my carpet in my room. And then, as if to get my attention, flips over on her back and meows softly to me to entice me to scratch her belly... Hahaha... silly cat! If she didn't leave so much cat fur around, I wouldn't have minded. So it's usually my brother who comes looking for her and brave enough to carry her out of my room without being scratched :P